That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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