we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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