..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
