If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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