Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
