So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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