This dress was meant to end up on your floor
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
