The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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