absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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