That's intense
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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