FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
