Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
