the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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