put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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