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we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
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