Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
