Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize