my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Randomize
