i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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