You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
