We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
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