It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
