Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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