Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
