i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
