my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
