Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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