i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
