smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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