a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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