the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
