So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
