Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
