Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
