Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Found the puke drawer
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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