Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
