I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
