When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
