Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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