he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I enjoy the company of your penis
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
