I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
