1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
