if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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