My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
