im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
