he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
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