allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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