I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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