"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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