I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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