8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm getting married
To pizza
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
