I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
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