lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
