i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
