When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
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