For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
My dick has a subreddit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize