I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
try to milk me bitch
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
