I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
