I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
