You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
