I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
P.S. I can't hear my feet
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
