Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
