we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
not ubering you a puppy
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
