I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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