Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
