Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
